Permission to Grieve: Navigating Loss while at Sea
One of the worst things that can happen when you are out to sea, is to suffer a loss. Mariners are often fiercely strong and independent, and we pride ourselves for our ability to “suck it up” and push through pain and discomfort. For those at sea—isolated from home, family, and familiar support systems—grieving can be uniquely difficult. When tragedy strikes—such as the loss of a loved one or a bad breakup—no amount of grit can substitute for directly facing and grieving the loss.
Grief is not a weakness or a problem to be fixed. It is a natural, unavoidable response to loss that reminds us that we are human. Grief is heavy, enduring, and transformative. It changes who we are, and rewires our brain. Despite cultural pressures to “move on,” there is no set timeline or right way to grieve. What matters most is giving yourself permission to grieve—without judgment, deadlines, or shame. Though everyone grieves differently, here are some possible steps to take towards healing:
1. Recognize Grief as Normal:
Grief is a fundamental part of the human experience. It is not linear, and there is no “getting over” loss—only learning to live with it. Acknowledging this truth is the first step toward healing.
2. Feel Your Feels:
All feelings are ok and normal. It is common to feel angry, confused, or numb. Allow yourself to cry, feel mad- whatever arises. These feelings are valid. Grief is not only emotional- it can also affect your body, sleep, appetite, and energy.
3. Take Time Off:
Grief can make it hard to function. When possible, pause. Step away from work or responsibilities if needed. Rest, reflect, and regroup. Your well-being comes first. Others will understand, every human being experiences loss at some point in their life.
4. Seek Support:
You do not have to do this alone. Talk to a friend, counselor, shipmates, or support group. Connection helps lessen the isolation grief can bring and reminds us we are not alone. As badass as we are as sailors, people are social creatures, and our nervous system is built to feel supported by others.
5. Practice Self-Care:
Small acts of care—eating well, moving your body, sleeping, journaling, or spending time outside—can help soothe your system. Mindfulness and grounding techniques, such as deep breathing or meditation, can also ease emotional overwhelm, as can a comforting spiritual or religious practice.
6. Do something good for others
When grieving a loss, one might feel better helping or being of service to others.
Moving Forward, Not Moving On
Healing does not mean forgetting. It means learning to carry the weight of grief with strength and acceptance. There is no need to rush or “get back to normal.” There is no normal out here. Give yourself time. Check in with yourself or with others who might be grieving. Show yourself the same compassion you would offer a friend.Grieving is not a detour from life—it is an inevitable part of it. And it deserves space, respect, and time.
If you or someone you know is struggling with loss, especially in the isolating environment of life at sea, reach out. Offer support, listen without judgment, and most importantly—allow grief to be what it is: honoring the loss, and a path toward healing.